ANGEL'S JOURNAL

" DIFFERENT "

Darla is dead…again.

Five years ago, I killed her to save the woman I loved.   Tonight, the woman I love killed her to…I’m not exactly sure why she killed her.   To keep her word?   She always said she’d kill Darla.   To stop me from falling under Darla’s spell?   Possibly.   To stop Darla from telling Wolfram And Hart that my soul had been returned?   More than likely.   I knew this day would come, and I thought I was prepared for it, but seeing Paris drive that cue stick through Darla’s chest still came as a shock.

Perhaps I was still reeling from the fact that Darla was unable to sense a soul in Paris.   Ever since Wesley and Lindsey had spoken the words of the Restoration Curse, I’ve felt there was something different about Paris.   Cordelia mentioned similar feelings.   It seems as though Paris received her soul but not in its entirety.   She told me there were moments she feels her soul and moments she does not.

One of those un-soulful moments came last night when she killed Charlie, The Receiver we had held prisoner.   Paris had possessed Charlie on more than one occasion and received the girl’s power when she killed her.   That’s going to make her dangerous, even to me.   All I can do is trust that Paris will be able to harness the power enough to keep her soulless side at bay.   But if tonight is any evidence, she’ll use it when and where she needs to.

Lindsey has proven that he can be trusted to a degree.   Yes, he set up the meeting between Darla and myself.   What he failed to tell me was that Paris was going to be there.   Maybe he didn’t know.   I don’t know.   The damage is done now…

My head is spinning right now at the thought of all the possible ramifications of Paris’ actions tonight.   Holland Manners is not going to be happy that Darla is gone.   Nor will the Senior Partners.   Will the Senior Partners want me dead (again) because I once again have a soul?   Will they want Paris dead because she killed Darla?   Maybe Darla was supposed to kill me…a vampire could go crazy thinking all these things.   At least I know Paris still loves me…at least her soulful side does, but that’s little consolation for her not being at my side.

The facts are: Paris killed Darla.   The damage is done.   Paris still loves me.   End of story.

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